Penis
Caught your attention, didn’t I? I’m not just trying to be shocking or funny, but penises and their female counterparts are important. Or more apropos to this post, the fear of even talking about sex and genitalia is important.
Why bring this up, you ask? Well, my son came home from school today, and whilst chatting about how his day went, he mentioned that his class had a presentation on AIDS. Two things shocked me about what he had to say:
- At no time did they distinguish between HIV and AIDS (this is forgivable if not lamentable)
- At no time did they mention the word condom; they described only two methods to avoid getting infected with HIV: do not become “blood brothers” with someone, where you cut yourself and share blood with a friend, and don’t engage in risky behaviors.
Ok, so maybe it is me, but if you are going to talk about HIV/AIDS and you can’t mention the words “condom” or “sex” then perhaps someone else should be doing your job. And why won’t they use those words? Because our country is still scared of sex. As a group, we have devolved into a bunch of puritanical pukes that would rather our children be uninformed than frankly talk to them about what a condom is and what it is used for. Blood brothers?? My God, that’s so 50’s– I am so sure it is a big contributer to the spread of disease in today’s youth. And why is sex simply glossed over and dismissed as risky behavior? Sure, you can say there is risk involved but then riding a bike is risky too. But who stops their kid as they head out for a ride to say, “Johnny, please think about what you are doing…you’re about to engage in risky behavior!!” No, you tell them to put a helmet on, show them how to be aware of traffic and other ways of being be safe, and tell them to be careful. But of course, we can’t do that when it comes to sex because sex is dirty and if we just pretend it doesn’t exist maybe our kids won’t find out about it.
Look, I could really get going on this rant, not just on the fear of sex and bodies, but also on the role of teachers/schools in kid’s upbringing, etc, and it all just devolves down to the ubiquitous George Bush Is Destroying America rant. So I’ll just stop here and simply ask that you don’t let fear of having a frank conversation with your kids prevent you from teaching them how to be safe. Please, it is just a word; HIV is real.
CDC Factsheet on HIV/AIDS
AIDSInfo at NIH
Planned Parenthood’s page on HIV/AIDS
-c
ps- Vagina. There. I said it.
pps- I am so going to get kicked out of Utah.
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April 4th, 2007 at 10:12 am
Here are some additional points of view of what this HIV/AIDS presentation was all about:
1. My third grader came back very knowledgeable about not picking up used needles, and putting bandaids on cuts as soon as they happen since that is “safer”. She did vaguely understand the difference between HIV and AIDS I think because her class did a role playing excersice about germs and anitbodies, and made it fairly understandable for a third grader. At least for my precocious (sp?) third grader. Nothing at all about sex. My discussion with her about it (as my sixth grader abruptly left the room) was news to her.
2. I happened to be in my fourth grader’s room when the forms were due, and my daughter BEGGED me to please let her not see the presentation. This says to me that even though (and maybe since) nothing about intercourse in mentioned, there are additional layers of mystique, guilt, shame, curiosity, and whatnot (presumably about sex) present, even though the topic is not covered. Her teacher said that it is a rather rediculous presentation, and it is the exact same one that they had in third grade.
3. My sixth grader was rather insulted that empasis was placed on not getting piercings and tatoos because a) she was grumpy they assumed that she would get “goth” and do those things and b) every other girl in her class has pierced ears, so what exactly is the problem with piercings anyway. Again, no mention of any above mentioned unmentionables.
4. No, I don’t have a fourth daughter, but an interesting fact from a friend with an 8th grader. In his health class last year, the teachers could not discuss how EXACTLY babies were made unless someone in the class asked about it. I think this is Utah law also.
April 4th, 2007 at 12:58 pm
I’m surprised that the fallacy about homosexuals being the pre-dominate population infected with HIV/AIDS wasn’t mentioned. We are in Utah, right? Where homosexuality is a cardinal sin, and where people that I work with (yes, adults) still believe that the ONLY people being infected with HIV/AIDS are in fact homosexuals. But, that would require, at least on a connotative level, some reference of the male anatomy and that is obviously not going to happen.
April 4th, 2007 at 1:29 pm
Hmmm, Ethan didn’t say anything about tattoos or piercings, but we all know that only loose women living with the devil get piercings, let alone tattoos. That much is obvious.
And this is the same thing they’ve been getting since they were in 3rd grade? Well no wonder they don’t talk about sex. But you have to wonder that if they want to inform kids about HIV/AIDS at that age, are they really worried about tattoos and being blood brothers? Come on. Bergey, you’re the epidemiologist, how significant are non-sexual transmissions of HIV in the grand scheme of things? It’s gotta be way low.
That all being said, I should say that I am at least appreciative that they are bringing up the subject. I guess they could just ignore it completely. And honestly, the line between what should be covered in class and what should be covered by parents is blurry.
-c
April 4th, 2007 at 3:05 pm
So, interestingly enough, I did some digging. Here is what Utah State Law says about sexual education:
53A-13-101. (1)(b) That instruction shall stress the importance of abstinence from all sexual activity before marriage and fidelity after marriage as methods for preventing certain communicable diseases.
(2) (a) Instruction in the courses described in Subsection (1) shall be consistent and systematic in grades 7 through 12.
In addition the following must NOT be taught:
The advocacy or encouragement of contraceptive methods or devices;
The advocacy of sexual activity outside of marriage.
The intricacies of intercourse, sexual stimulation, or erotic behavior;
The advocacy of homosexuality;
Seems to me that “advocacy” could be interpreted as meaning that you can talk about it, you just can’t say to kids that they should try it. However, when it comes to contraceptive methods this is really subtle- can you not say that condoms do a good job of preventing pregnancy? Can you take that as advocacy?
Urgh. What a state we live in.
-c
April 4th, 2007 at 5:27 pm
The Presentation was more like a message from PBS don’t use drugs and don’t have sex. However the presentation was more like a loud instrumentation of incessant clicking pedometers. I was sitting right next to Ethan the whole time and the ELPers had received pedometers as part of someone’s report. So the majority of the sixth grade ELP sat there shaking their pedometers. The ironic part, the District nurse did not notice and even went so far as to say we were the best group that they had ever had to my teacher.
April 5th, 2007 at 12:53 am
Ah, my Innocent Bystander. Yes, do not do drugs and do not have sex, that is indeed sage advice, and pretty much the only thing you will hear in Utah schools by law. Lord knows I’ve never done either and look how well I turned out (Ethan was an immaculate conception, I swear).
Anyway, in my humble opinion, discussion and being informed is very good for just about any issue, especially one as important as this. And while a lot of the social and emotional aspects should be covered within the structure of the family, there are a lot of just plain raw facts that should be put out there at school, especially if you are already talking about HIV/AIDS. I’m just disheartened that a lot of important information is not being disseminated in a forum where it could easily be made available to you all. I mean, these are very important issues, not just for you but for all of us, and who wouldn’t want to be as informed as possible when making decisions that will have a profound impact on the rest of your life? Who wouldn’t want that for their kids?
So, thanks for the insider’s opinion, and sorry about the pedometers. I got to hear Ethan’s that evening, and one can only imagine the sweet, lilting tones of dozens all at once.
-c
April 5th, 2007 at 9:54 am
When my eldest was in high school, parents were invited to an after school event to go over what was, and was not, going to be spoken of in health class on sex education. My wife and I asked some pretty direct questions about what discussion was going to take place over various STD’s. As this was in Bountiful, the Mormon population in the room was pretty much everyone but us, and they were getting pretty red faced and flustered as the evening progressed.
I asked what was going to be said about dealing with pregnancy. He said that they would be covering adoption as a solution to pregnancy at such a young age.
Being adopted, I’m very well aware of the feelings of alienation, isolation and abandonment which come with a good adoption, not even touching the nightmare cases. I brought up how they would be teaching that the best course of action would be to give up their child to complete strangers, that would cause them to worry about that child for the rest of their lives. I brought up the injustice of the legal system, which goes out of it’s way to protect an adoption industry, but does everything it can to prevent adopted people from learning of their heritage when they are adults. (Currently only three states have open adoption records. Alaska, Kansas and recently Oregon.) I gave the straight scoop, that even though things turned out fine for me, that the bad feelings over it (none of which have to do with the good people who adopted me, I might add) don’t go away. I’m hitting 42 next week, and there are still times when I look in the mirror and feel like I’m staring at the face of a stranger. I even told them the story of how I received my first failing grade on an assignment when I was in junior high and was asked to fill out a family tree. I drew a picture of a stump, with a “State of Minnesota” logging truck driving off in the background. It wasn’t until I explained the dynamics to the teacher that the grade was changed, and it’s the first time I can remember seeing a teacher cry.
As you can imagine, none of this went over well. You could cut the tension in the room with a knife.
I’m pretty certain that at least the Mormon community in Utah has an attitude that adoption is always completely wonderful and everything will be just fine - no matter what. They don’t want to talk about the emotional stress it instills in both the mother and child. They don’t want to admit that the darker aspects of these things even exist. That seems to be the general Mormon modus operandi: if it is uncomfortable, just pretend it doesn’t exist.
Perhaps the most disturbing moment of the evening was when I asked what forms of birth control were going to be covered outside of abstinence. When the teacher said that no methods other than abstinence would be covered, I asked how they could call themselves educators when they, “ignore the science of the human condition and replace it with religiously sanctioned ignorance.”
At least I did learn that a room full of gaping mouths is humorous…